nineteen is a playlist of 19 poems + 1 hidden track, written daily from June 12th to June 30th in anticipation for July 1st. Happy Birthday!
i.
intro: august
first
you appeared first
sparkling new, glistening,
glistening, then i wondered first
what it would be like to say something
first
this was the first
time i went in, thinking,
thinking, that maybe i saw first
what it would mean to want something
first
and i was up at eight
and back down, three,
three, and so i thought first
what exactly you had won over me
first
you live as first
undeniably, honest,
honest, always occupying first
what thoughts i had of july and august
first
2:27.06.12
ii.
an average day
and when i opened my eyes it was 7 am sharp
my days -detached- continued in grayscale
and when i stepped outside it was 8 am sharp
my feet -detached- continued to nowhere
a mirage of memory blurred out of focus—
i was made to feel dizzy with emotion.
with the strike of the sun
slicing sharp and high
through the sky
the end of the day had arrived
...
the start of an average day is at 7 pm sharp
but sometimes a little earlier, if im lucky
the start of an average day is at 8 pm sharp
and i can feel the silence of the world exploding so endlessly and endlessly in color
the start of an average day is at 7 pm
but maybe a little earlier, if i wish hard enough
the start of an average day is at 8 pm
and oh how i wish i could continue it so endlessly and endlessly with you
23:11.06.13
iii.
sleehands
these hours when you sleehands
when conversations dont go as planneds
or when i am left to my own thots
entiredly distraughts
thinking
is amanda
is amondieu-or
is it bloonder
too, with u
teaching me
oida was willst du
its been so long since you were born
my toddler who loves c o r n
you’ve gotten too okd
if only we could bring back
the okd days of snank
of conversations of babelly
or of your bread angel from hell (y…?)
your typos when asleep
really sure do keep me on my feet
whether ham or hemm hemm hemm
hemm hemm hemm
i love every word youve said
especially the ones bass broosted
(written entirely while listening to aju nice)
22:22.06.14
iv.
hedgie
bubbling excitement
spilling over the compartments
of our conversation,
unconcealed jubilation,
pure elation,
it’s a big occasion—
it’s baby fever
a cute hedgie,
“he’s edgy”
and you’re cute,
the image of you feeding fruit
to hedgie’s snoot
oh, broot—
it’s a perfect match
17:06.06.15
v.
our first bond
our first thread—
the reason the universe placed us
at the same time, same place
it was the beginning of fate.
one event became countless
why two became singularity
do you ever think about it?
those first words birthed, a baby
raised and sheltered
and maybe the moment was when the stars shined bright
on his cold late winter night
but maybe the moment was when the sun yearned to rise
into our warm summer sky
it’s predictable
do you remember it?
v
12.30.06.16
vi.
dream sweet, sweet dreams
alone at the edge of a universe
sleep pulls, vision dulls,
the lull of dreams,
the full feeling of ghost fingers
across your skin, the lingers
of whispers of your love within,
it is the breezy breath that brings life from death
and turns the darkness into
the warm winds that blew or the cool water so blue,
it is the feeling of night sounds or warm summer backgrounds
that press into skin with no end
the ringing words je t’aime
believe me darling
to know dreams are one prayer long,
waiting eternally for the song that sings comfort
into our souls together, we know it is not the sole reason to exist
but our souls together become a way to resist, if nothing else
it is a break from the darkness that threatens to take
reality in your mind, to embrace and set the pace for the day,
i may be away from you but in that moment it is us two
rare and entirely beautiful, an illusion so exquisite
ill admit to it, i exist doubled over in my visits
to my home in your mind, and just as it is mine
yours spills high tides and sunny hillsides over my eyes and
there you reside
and there we will always reside
never meant to part
23:42.06.17
vii.
97,96.98,99
beyond my dreams, i imagine getting on a plane
and feeling the seconds pass by
the numbers in our number game, spread far and wide
whether a year forward or a year back
time would stop when we meet
if only a second it takes, then a second i would wish to sneak
if i counted down eleven hours from this moment
it would still be too long
14:58.6.18
viii.
11/11
being with you, oh you have no clue
it’s more than a ten of ten
it’s an eleven of eleven
being with you, oh i wish you knew
that without question
you were my 11:11
and
being with you, oh i’ll never say adieu
to my walking heaven
from eleven to eleven
21:44.06.19
ix.
rabbit
white rabbit white rabbit
guide me down once again
white rabbit white rabbit
lead me away and then
explore this new world
to which im foreign
white rabbit white rabbit
you take away my pain
white rabbit white rabbit
ill once again explain
my pretty white rabbit
but still i must abstain
from confessing, white rabbit
that it is the love so plain
and so pure, white rabbit
for this wonderland allure
that i am in love, white rabbit
and the colors that are here
oh rabbit oh rabbit
put wonderland to shame
because white rabbit
learning about computer games
or watching videos all the same
is the happiest i’ve ever been
22:16.06.20
x.
broot
i think its time for our daily broosglish lesson:
it is almost entirely impossible
implausible
irresponsible
to try to rhyme any words with the name broose
so you must excoose
my misuoose
of words i choose
i could ask for no better muse
or moose
to brew my creative joose
i really could not refoose
to write a poem that could ooze
with the profuse total overoose
of the sound of broose
caboose
...
making a haiku
with nothing that rhymes with broot
is pretty easy
23:30.06.21
xi.
our love
like the first satisfying note of a song
the type of song you’ve never heard but
it may as well be your new favorite already
the note rings and it rings and you know that maybe
just maybe
we’ve heard what our love is
like wind blowing against skin
refreshing as the weather gets cool but
it’s the sort of cold that makes you feel alive
there’s goosebumps and a shiver down your spine and maybe
just maybe
we’ve felt what our love is
like the familiarity of a meal
the scent of childhood that may be gone but
the comfort always returns as it floats through the air
there is nothing that should remind me of you more and maybe
just maybe
we’ve even smelled what our love is
like the beauty of a painting
staring at the lines of every stroke but
you feel like you could get lost forever like this
it sucks you in with every dizzy color and you feel that maybe
just maybe
we’ve seen what our love is
like the security of a kiss
the feeling of being so close but
in the open mouthed moment you feel
that there is nothing else in the world but this and
with this
we’ve tasted what our love is
20:43.06.22
xii.
call it fate, call it karma
every moment of existence
every corner of the mind
gifted
the vibrance of the day
the security of the night
the comfort of i love you
the invisible everywhere
whether a twist of fate
irregular
waiting for the perfect chance to strike
whether an act of karma
calculated
through all lifespans alike
it blends in the winds
to just this point in time
we are
a thousand lives lived again
living through every lifespan
staring at the violet sky
wondering exactly why
4:03.06.23
xiii.
lantanas
to describe the lantanas plainly
is the feeling of warmth, mainly
filling the air with electricity
and so soft in plasticity
as the two so slightly curled
together alone in the world
in a perfect fit
so closely knit
whether red or yellow
or yellow or red
what matters more is
the soft flower bed
and what’s shared between
them alone in that scene
within the beauty of a dream
there the lantanas lay
there they stay
5:39.06.24
xiv.
everything
our words hang in the
air, spinning
with the ceaseless ceiling fan
i watch it go
around again
i think about
you
i think about you the way i breathe air
light filtering through the
window, rays
making long and unending
beautiful stripes
along the walls
it’s warming
me
it’s warming me the way you do
the murmurs beyond walls of
air, huffing
breaths between each word
‘are you going
to’ ‘i’m coming’
the world moves beyond
ours
the world moves beyond ours but ours is everything
6:28.06.25...14:27.05.29
xv.
teak city
let’s go to teak city
spend time in the past
throughout the vast
mountains laid out
you can teach me the ways
teach me how it all plays
let’s go see the legendary beauty
that suicune cutie
i will follow you through
through any busy city
be it windy and drippy
or sunny and nifty
and after, let’s go anywhere
you can set me adrift
to that strange rift
or on that tardis
just take me by the wrist
in you i trust, im not scared
i’ll follow you anywhere
23:57.06.26
xvi.
inspiration
a moment of inspiration
comes from a spark of happiness
if just for a second
a smile can create a thousand words
then you make me smile thousands more
18:46.06.27
xvii.
my sunflower
sunflowers blooming along the seams of my heart in rows
you occupy my soul
like a painting, you impress upon me the image of pure adoration
you are my fixation, i bask in the warmth of your presence
whether the sun sets or rises, our love is so pleasant
my sunflower
sunflowers bloom along the forefront of my thoughts
filling slow snapshots, as fall turns to winter turns to spring turns to summer
and you grow tall and together recover to the brightest colors of earth’s beauty
all i know is that absolutely nothing brings joy from a heaven so everlasting
as looking toward the sun and you, my love for you grows with every day passing
my sunflower
22:31.06.28
xviii.
19
in just nineteen years
you are
the refreshing feel of water
the gentle touch of butterfly wings
the beauty of bird calls
the kindness of mornings
the openness of pages
the comfort of a hug
the creativity of spider webs
the sweetness of a pug
the passion of sweet fruits
the selfless to put at ease
the support of deep roots
the hard work of working bees
the understanding of owl eyes
the humor of 4 am calls
the joy in a surprise
the brightness of the full moon
the strength of the days after
the development into new
the happiness in laughter
you are everything important
2:31.06.29
xix.
(untitled)
the future untold
has yet some secrets to behold
whether good or bad weather
please remember
we’ll handle it together
love from your best friend forever
2:25.06.30
xx.
hidden track
broose,
when i decided to do this, my first and most frequent thoughts were to find a way to try to show you somehow just how much you mean to me, how much i think about you every single day, and how you are such a huge part of my life. you make me so incredibly happy that it's hard to describe in words. you are so important to me, and if no other day else in the year, i wanted to make sure you knew on this special day that you're one of the most important people in my life and i love everything about you more and more with each passing day.
you're someone who has changed me in a lot of ways-- even someone who has inspired me enough to write more in one month than i have in a long time because i'm so comfortable with my words with you.
i know that you've had it so very hard, and i've only seen a fraction of what you've had to go through and who you were before, but i have so much respect for you and how much you've grown as a person. like the waning moon, you're still reaching toward that beautiful new moon but you change more and more every single day and that is never something to brush off. you are amazing and i'm always so proud of you.
you're someone who, despite all of your own problems, i've been able to look to for comfort and strength when i've needed it most. i trust you with everything, and you deserve that trust and more because of how purely good of a person you are. you're most definitely one of the most unique and beautiful people i've ever had the luck of meeting.
when i listen to beautiful music i can't help but think of you. when i see anything even remotely related to you in any way, it lifts my spirits instantly even if you aren't there in that moment. you're everything.
aaaahhhh on a less sappy note, 19 years old... i'll have to stop calling you a toddler until we aren't the same age anymore, huh? the worst. absolutely the worst, you're still my toddler. my toddler, and my baby, and just mine.
every single day i am so happy you are mine. i love you.
happy birthday broosie ♡
